GAWD!!!
i don't know what i should do anymore. days ago, i decided something... i don't know if it was what i really wanted or needed but last night, i had a change of mind again. why??? because i felt so alone and lonely. i felt the pain burst out again... that much pain that i've been trying so hard to suppress for almost 3 months now and i felt so hopeless. there was no one to talk to... no one to make me laugh or take my mind off these things... it was just me & my 'comfort drink'. talk about being 'alcoholic' again.
SIGH...
i'm getting so damn tired of this heart... of this mind... i just want to be numb... i don't want to eat nor drink all day and night and sulk here in my room again... i was so lazy to even move or do something... i was just here, lying and staring at my ceiling... wishing for a miracle... that i may forget everything and be myself... be happy again...
ANOTHER LOUD SIGH...
i remembered my best friend's message and decided to make that my 'resolve...' it was so easy to say but as the night passes by, i find 'it' slowly crumbling apart... it's not easy... there's just no easy way, right?! damn! i can't drink myself to sleep again and again every night (or morning should i say) just to fall asleep for 4-5hrs a day... i see myself drowning deeper and deeper and i couldn't breath anymore...
i can't lose this one again... i need... i need... i need... myself back!!!
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